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Unleashing the Power of Inner Bonding: Nurturing Our Inner Child and Parenting with Love

Unleashing the Power of Inner Bonding: Nurturing Our Inner Child and Parenting with Love

Over the course of my extensive experience working closely with parents for the past 35 years and crafting insightful books on parenting and relationships, I have come to a profound realization. As parents, one of the most formidable challenges we face is embodying the role of loving role models for our children. It is through our own actions and behaviors that we teach them the invaluable lesson of personal responsibility for their feelings and needs. Our children crave guidance on how to nurture themselves from within and establish a sense of security in this complex world. In households blessed with both a mother and father, this responsibility can be shared, allowing both parents to contribute emotionally to the child's upbringing while providing care and protection. Both mothers and fathers have the capacity to be nurturing and protective, defying the societal stereotypes that limit their roles.

However, for single parents, the journey is considerably more arduous, as they must fulfill the roles of both mother and father. Mothering energy entails nurturing, while fathering energy embodies protection in the outside world, such as earning a living, establishing boundaries with others, and advocating for oneself. Society often pigeonholes women as nurturers and men as protectors, yet it is important to recognize that both genders possess the potential for nurturing and protecting.

To successfully navigate the challenging path of being both mother and father to their child, single parents must first master the art of embracing their own inner child. Essentially, this means learning how to nurture our own vulnerable selves, taking responsibility for our fears, pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment, and caring for our inner child within the broader context of the world. Teaching our children these essential skills becomes impossible until we have truly embodied them ourselves. Thus, each of us must embark on an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth.

Fortunately, we have developed a transformative process known as Inner Bonding, which empowers us to nurture ourselves while extending love to others. This psychospiritual practice comprises six profound steps that can be learned and incorporated into our daily lives. By following these steps, we cultivate a profound and spiritually connected inner adult—a beacon of love and compassion to both our inner child and our actual children.

According to Inner Bonding, our inner child is the essence of who we are when we come into this world—an embodiment of our natural creativity, intuition, playfulness, imagination, talents, emotions, and capacity to love. Our adult self, on the other hand, encompasses everything we acquire after birth—our thoughts, beliefs, and ability to take action. From the very moment we are born, we begin absorbing information on how to be an adult by observing our parents and caregivers. Sadly, the adult we develop often emerges as a wounded child masquerading as a grown-up, laden with fears, false beliefs, and unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, excessive screen time, impulsive spending, anger, or compliance. A truly loving adult, however, is spiritually connected to a higher source of truth and love. This loving adult can channel that wisdom and compassion to the inner child and, in turn, share it with others. It is imperative to recognize that our unresolved wounds and unhealed selves are what impede our personal growth and impact our relationships with our children. Inner Bonding is an extraordinary healing process that enables us to confront our wounded selves and cultivate a spiritually connected, loving adult.

Within the Inner Bonding framework, we discern two intentions that guide us at any given moment: the intention to learn about love and the intention to shield ourselves from pain by any means necessary. The intention to learn signifies our desire to understand our own pain, enabling us to respond with compassion toward our inner child and others. Conversely, the intention to protect indicates our inclination to avoid pain at all costs. The child-adult predominantly operates from the intent to protect, while the loving adult remains rooted in the intent to learn.

Now, let us delve into the transformative six-step process of Inner Bonding:
  1. Willingness: We must be willing to face our pain head-on, relinquishing the crutches of our various addictions and defense mechanisms that shield us from it.
  2. Decision: Consciously, we make the decision to shift our focus toward the intent to learn, opening ourselves up to personal growth and healing.
  3. Dialogue: Engaging in dialogue with our wounded self allows us to identify the false beliefs and subsequent behaviors that underlie our pain. By expressing our anger and pain in appropriate ways, we initiate the healing process.
  4. Connection: Through an intimate connection with our Higher Power, we tap into the wellspring of truth and loving behavior, enriching our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with the world.
  5. Action: Taking loving action on behalf of our inner child, we honor their needs and well-being, promoting a sense of harmony and self-nurturing.
  6. Evaluation: Reflecting upon our actions, we evaluate their effectiveness, adjusting our approach as needed to ensure continued growth and healing.
Regardless of our parental status, all of us must embark on a journey of self-healing. For single parents, in particular, this becomes a vital imperative, as they serve as the primary role models for their children. The more we heal the fears and false beliefs that plague our wounded selves, the more effortlessly and naturally love flows within us, permeating our relationships with our children. By embracing and employing these six steps throughout our daily lives, particularly during moments of anger, fear, anxiety, and stress, we gradually dismantle the false beliefs that fuel these challenging emotions. With each step forward, we inch closer to a harmonious existence where love and personal growth intertwine, fostering profound connections with ourselves and our beloved children.

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